Where Desire and Strategy Converge…Or Don’t

Virginia Satir, the brilliant family therapist, who introduced us to Conjoint Family Therapy, contributed on a grand scale to our understanding of relationship and family dynamics. She was brilliant at identifying unhealthy dynamics in a relationship and educating the members to function more effectively together. Yet one of her more startling contributions was what many […]

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Sound, Fury, and…Nothing

“Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress.” ― Alfred A. Montapert Years ago, I came up with (I thought) the pithy and clever: “Never confuse activity with productivity.” I read a lot, so when I later came across the quote at the top, I felt properly chastised. My ingenious observation was […]

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Money, the Root of…

When couples cite reasons for divorce or breakup, there is a surprisingly short list of usual suspects. Money, and financial decisions, though not always the primary reason, is a frequent offender, often identified as the reason for ending a romantic relationship. Heading into tax season, it seemed appropriate that we talk about this common culprit. […]

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Deletions Matter

There is a fundamental linguistic challenge at the heart of this one. In hypnosis, a concept called “deletion” is a very useful device. It references an implication, one the unconscious mind is too clever to miss—though is not overtly stated. If I tell you, “Today, I’m doing okay,” on the surface, I’m simply telling you […]

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Sublinfluence™ – Out the INfluence Door

I was asked recently about the concept of “influence” and whether it was somehow a bad thing. In my mind, the words may have well been, “Effectiveness–isn’t that somehow a bad thing?” Influence is no more good or bad on its own than is “ice skating” or “spelunking”. Although you might disagree if you truly […]

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