As you’ve followed the work I do, using it to make your life work better than before, you know a bit about how we influence ourselves. One of the most powerful toolkits is neurolinguistics, and the effect language has on our neurology. There are a lot of things we can change simply by changing the way we use our language as it directly affects the way we think, feel, and act.
For instance, NLP speaks of nominalization, turning an active process we do, a verb, and convert it to a static thing, a noun. That does several things, including removing our active involvement, and thereby our ability to change it easily. Meaning we have turned our choice to behave and think in a way that we could sum up as the verb “stressing,” as in, “I’m stressing over this upcoming deadline,” or “I’m stressing because of the bills piling up.”
In both sentences, we are doing it, not merely observing it.
Today we’re going to look at stress both as a nominalization and an emotion, so as we denominalize it, we can capture our power over it, harness it to better serve us.
That said, we all know that stress is a part of life. We can’t escape it, and once we correctly understand what it is, we would no longer want to. It’s a powerful force in the world which like any other, can be harnessed and utilized. Though pretending it doesn’t exist makes it worse and has the potential to turn a moderate stressor into a monster.
And worse, the typical advise for stress management often comes across as fluffy, pollyanna-kind of positive thinking which could seem to collapse under the weight of real problems, real stress.
As if merely thinking differently could make a difference…
Wait…
No, we could look at that a bit later, but for now, what you can do is learn how to manage stress—effectively, consistently, and not merely avoid or cope with stress, but leverage it.
First we must understand what Stress really is
Stress is a powerful force we developed to engage our action. Without it, we might have treated serious and imminent threats like a predator approaching us as little more than an annoying insect.
If we didn’t respond appropriately, the predator may have ended our life then and there. Stress tells our brain to engage every necessary system to take instant and urgent action. Like a lot of behaviors or emotions which evolved to support our survival, we often misuse stress in modern life.
And sure, we don’t as often face such predators in the wild so much anymore, but we still face threats, don’t we? It isn’t just “feeling overwhelmed.” It’s your body’s natural response to a perceived threat. That threat could be a deadline, a traffic jam, or a serious health scare. Your brain reacts the same way: fight, flight, or freeze.
Obsessing over what others think, or worrying about possible outcomes when we could instead be doing the work, creating the outcome we prefer, are only a couple examples of where we misuse stress, missing an opportunity to harness its power.
What is this Power?
Stress’ power comes from how it sharpens our focus. So, sensing that predator we mentioned will narrow our focus to only the immediately relevant details. When managed in short-term, controlled bursts, stress can sharpen our focus and support our success.
The two biggest concerns then are: Allowing stress to run rampant, on an unprogrammed autopilot. It can become habitual and with no direction, simply debilitate us. Second, if we allow it to run longer term, it can interfere with our sleep, energy, mood, physical, as well as mental health. In that latter scenario, some of us make stress response a habitual behavior, a pattern we follow without thinking. Even when it’s unnecessary and potentially harmful.
We’ve spoken before about “burnout”, and a habit of unmanaged stress can cause this faster than anything.
Though when managed, when leveraged as a force, stress is a vital part of our accomplishing anything!
With this clearer understanding of stress, we can see how we wouldn’t really benefit from eliminating stress completely.
But rather, we want to manage it, direct it, and harness it, without letting it take control of our lives.
Further, we want to understand it honestly, stripping as much of our pre-existing filters distorting our perceptions as possible. For instance, we may be stressing about whether our project at work will be a success. If we utilize stress to narrow our focus and fully commit to making the project a success, that sounds pretty good, right?
But let’s say you’ve done all the work, you’ve completed the project, and now there is one more thing you could do to promote it.
Can stress help you there? If used appropriately, maybe. But if the project is done, you’ve also done everything you can to ensure its success, then it’s time to let it fly.
And yes, in a workshop, an attendee challenged me on that—”What if there’s just one more thing–just one–which might help it succeed? Are you saying I should blow it off and do nothing?”
No! If there really is such a thing, let stress push you to action. But once that’s settled, and the only “just one more thing” ideas don’t stand up to scrutiny, then yes, let it go and begin thinking about your next action. Otherwise, you risk developing OCD-like habits, which make you scrutinize everything, subdivide each item into sub-items, each of which can commandeer vast amounts of your energy and time…while offering no realistic gain. Let that stuff go.
So if you are experiencing stress, and are unsure what to do, let’s look at it.
Step 1: Identify the Real Source of Stress
You can’t correct what you can’t identify. The first step is to be brutally honest about what’s actually stressing you.
Ask yourself:
- What’s consistently bothering me right now?
- What do I dread most in my day or week?
- What thoughts keep looping in my head?
Sometimes the stressor is obvious (a toxic job, a piling workload, an antagonistic person in your sphere). Other times, it’s hidden (unrealistic expectations you’ve put on yourself, or saying “yes” when you mean, or should mean, “no”). Dig deep, be honest, and get specific.
Writing it down can help a lot. Make a list. Don’t filter. Don’t sugarcoat.
Step 2: Control What You Can, Let Go of What You Can’t
There’s a clear line between stress you can control and stress you can’t.
- Control: how you manage your time, who you spend time with, how you think, how much sleep you get, what you eat, what you say yes to.
- Can’t control: other people’s opinions or attitudes, traffic, unexpected emergencies, global news.
Spend your energy where you have the most influence. Set boundaries. Cut down your commitments. Say no without guilt. The more you control your inputs, the more manageable your stress becomes.
Step 3: Get Your Physical Health in Check
You can’t separate mental stress from physical habits. They’re interconnected, always.
Here’s what matters most:
Sleep
- Aim for 7–9 hours a night.
- Avoid screens an hour before bed.
- Make your room cool, dark, and quiet.
- If you’re waking up tired every day, fix this first.
- Revisit the last paragraph on Control what you ca–If fixing what you can control isn’t doing it, call your doctor. I’ve known several people who turned their lives and stress around by getting medical attention for a sleep problem.
Nutrition
- Cut the sugar rollercoaster.
- Pay attention to chemicals and drugs–caffeine, alcohol, and other chemicals have an effect on our physical and mental states and can greatly impact our stress management and coping capacity.
- Eat real food: lean proteins, whole grains, vegetables, healthy fats.
- Don’t skip meals when stressed. It backfires, making things worse. We may not even notice the impact on our biochemistry, our mood, and our ability to cope with stress. But we will notice the results.
Movement
- Exercise burns off cortisol, “the stress hormone,” boosts endorphins, and clears mental fog.
- You don’t need a gym. Walk. Stretch. Do push-ups, sit-ups, crunches. Just move.
- Even 10–15 minutes a day helps regulate your mood.
These three basics aren’t sexy, but they are non-negotiable. Ignore them, and stress will run wild.
Step 4: Master Mental Shifts
What happens in your head affects everything else. So let’s clean up that mental clutter.
1. Challenge Your Thoughts
Not every thought deserves your belief. When you catch yourself spiraling, ask:
- Is this actually true?
- What’s the worst-case scenario—and how likely is it? (We often consider the first part, though overlook the second. As in, “Whoah, a meteor could storm down from the sky and crush me into a fiery soot stain!” But seriously, while technically true, how likely is that?)
- What’s one productive action I can take right now? Momentum starts with small actions, and even that first step offers a solid response to any “What-if” disaster scenarios.
You’re not trying to be unrealistically positive. You’re aiming for clarity, not catastrophe.
2. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness isn’t mystical. It’s mental training.
- Try deep breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6).
- Use grounding techniques: name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste.
- Take 5 minutes a day to be fully present. No phone. No multitasking.
Mindfulness helps your brain pause before it reacts—and that pause is powerful. There are many ways to learn and practice mindfulness and one great start is Eckhart Tolle’s classic book “The Power of Now.”
3. Set Realistic Standards
Perfectionism is stress in disguise. If your to-do list is impossible or your expectations are crushing, you’re setting yourself up to fail.
Learn to ask:
- “What’s good enough for today?”
- “What matters most right now?”
- “What can wait?”
- “Are there any actions I can take which, by themselves, can have a massive effect on those other things I’ve been considering?” This can be either positive or negative, by the way. Let’s say you answer this question and come up with, “I could turn off the notifications on my phone, log out of all social media, prioritize my actions and just focus until I get through that list.” Such an answer would likely make everything else you must do far easier, wouldn’t it? But on the other hand, what if you answer with, “I could have a couple drinks”? I’ve known people who do this when under stress, but what does alcohol do besides slow us down? It takes a near-immediate toll on our focus and attention to detail. That has the potential to make everything on our list a whole lot harder. And likely also more error-prone.
Done is better than perfect—especially when your health is on the line.
Step 5: Create Your Stress Toolkit
Build a personal system that helps you bounce back faster when life gets chaotic.
Here are some tools to consider:
- Time-blocking: Plan your day in chunks so you’re not constantly reacting.
- Journaling: Dump your thoughts on paper to stop mental overload.
- Phone boundaries: Set screen time limits. Mute non-urgent notifications (as above).
- Music, hobbies, laughter: Whatever recharges you—make time for it.
- Support system: Have at least one person you can vent to without judgment.
Stress management isn’t about one magic fix. It’s about small, consistent habits that keep your baseline steady.
Step 6: Know When to Get Help
If your stress feels unmanageable, constant, or is leading to burnout, anxiety, or depression, talk to a professional. Therapy isn’t weakness—it’s strategy.
Signs you may need support:
- You can’t sleep even when exhausted
- You feel numb, angry, or overwhelmed all the time
- You’re withdrawing from people or things you used to enjoy
- You feel physically unwell with no clear cause
There’s no gold medal for toughing it out. Get help early.
Final Thoughts: Stress Is Inevitable. Staying Stuck Isn’t.
You’re going to face pressure, conflict, change, and curveballs. Everyone does. The difference is whether you let stress run the show—or you take the wheel.
Managing stress isn’t about escaping life’s hard parts. It’s about building the mindset, habits, and support you need to stay grounded when things get real.
Here’s the quick recap:
- Identify the real source of your stress
- Focus on what you can control
- Prioritize sleep, food, and movement
- Challenge your thoughts and adjust expectations
- Build a toolkit that helps you recover and reset
- Get help when you need it—without shame
You’re not broken. You’re human. And you’re capable of handling more than you think—especially when you’ve got the right tools in place. And while you may be able to cope well using these or other strategies, it takes a strong person to admit you might need help every now and then. Be strong and if you feel that might be needed, do it.
Copyright © 2025 Chris Gingolph