You must persuade someone to do something, and they push back. And that is your first clue.
The biggest obstacle to persuasion often is not disagreement. Sometimes it’s resistance to being persuaded.
Have you ever noticed what happens when someone feels they’re being pushed toward a decision?
They defend their position.
They find reasons to disagree.
They become more attached to their original point of view.
The harder you push, the harder they push back. This is one of the most important things to understand about human influence: people want to feel that their decisions are their own. So what can you do differently? Sublinfluence™.
And within that, the MindLeading™ process.
Instead of immediately presenting arguments, find your curiosity and seek to understand the other person’s perspective. Instead of challenging their beliefs, explore how those beliefs developed—and how they use those beliefs now.
Instead of telling them why they’re wrong, help create a conversation where they can consider a different perspective without feeling attacked.
The distinction is powerful. Persuasion isn’t simply about getting someone to accept your ideas. It’s about understanding the mental and emotional processes that shape their decisions.
This is at the heart of MindLeading™ – learning to understand how people think, communicate in ways that resonate, and influence without relying on pressure.
Whether you’re leading a team, negotiating a deal, selling an idea, or navigating a personal relationship, understanding resistance can change the entire conversation.
Here’s my question: When someone disagrees with you, is your first instinct to convince them—or understand them?
If you try to convince them or “out-logic” them, you may have been surprised to notice that rarely works. As in never! Since logic was the basis of your argument, and the other person refuted it, it would be tempting to believe that they lack your intelligence, that they “just don’t get it.” This would be an enormous mistake for many reasons. But they all begin with your creating a greater distance between the two of you. If someone already feels threatened by an opposing view, widening the chasm will make it less likely you will bridge it.
And as you probably already knew—humans don’t make decisions logically. Our emotions drive decisions, pure and simple. Logic only comes into play later, once we’ve made the decision, and we must reconcile our choice with the rest of our mind.
But one of the things you can do is do reconnaissance on their inner process, figure out how they are thinking, and with practice, gain massive insight into them. It’s for that reason, I urge you to use the intel you gain, though not reveal that you noticed.
And that might seem to some at first to be underhanded in some fashion. But think about it, how does it feel when someone focuses their energy and attention on you, strives to truly understand you? Doesn’t it feel amazing? It’s like receiving the most profound gift, validation for just being who we are!
Lastly, once you’ve done it, and the other person is feeling the gift of your attention, interest, and understanding, you can cement that trust by delivering what you promise. Whatever you are persuading them to do, you ensure that the outcome is a win-win (or as I like to call it, Win2™). For that reason, you are using your persuasion skills to serve their interests as well as your own, to forge a partnership that wins shared successes. A relationship which can be rewarding and profitable for many years to come
If you’re into that kind of thing!
Copyright © 2026 Chris Gingolph