We all wish we could read minds sometimes. Whether it’s in a negotiation, a team meeting, or a first date, understanding what someone really wants—not just what they say—can be the edge that changes everything. You don’t need telepathy. You need Radical Understanding. I call it this to emphasize it’s an action we take, and […]
(Portions of this article were excerpted from an NLP Practitioner Certification class I held in 2002) We covered in a previous article what a strategy is, and used Decision strategies as not only an example, but a playground. While we use strategies for nearly every significant thing in our lives, motivation strategies have got to […]
NLP uses a mechanical-sounding term for the process of noting differences. An oversimplification, sure. but these are differences most people overlook. Or even if they catch shifts in others or themselves, they likely miss the significance. This is why I count this skill as reading “invisible channels of communication.” Calibration is one of the most […]
“When you change yourself, you change the world…” Not a new idea, though profound as you consider it fully. I’ve had clients who were so externally-focused and therefore their notion of “power” was making others conform to their will. While such things are clearly possible, it’s not the most effective way to influence others or […]
If you have a blade and you store it until you need it, then only take it out when you need it, you will often find it’s lost its edge. Time and elements, even when you’ve been careful to preserve it, have dulled the blade. The same is true for our mental and interpersonal skills. […]
If you’ve ever said something like, “I knew what to do, I just don’t do it,” or “Knowing what to do, I didn’t do what I know,” or even if you simply got so caught up in an argument or feeling attacked, then you can relate to emotional overwhelm. That’s when in the heat of […]
Critical Thinking seems like a pretty good idea, wouldn’t you say? Who among us hasn’t been asked some variation of the following question, typically as a child by a more knowledgeable adult, “Well if so-and-so said to jump off a bridge, too, would you do it? Just because he said so?” That sounds familiar, doesn’t […]
One of the challenges posed to me involves what I call the Decision Review. I not only believe in this, I’ve seen it in every relationship where I’ve exerted influence. When we persuade, we are using reason (we hope), emotion (always), and perhaps skill and technique. I’ve experienced first-hand how those we persuade, regardless of […]
Since the movie “The Secret” was released, and its companion book of the same name, I’ve been asked a lot about The Law of Attraction. Bear in mind that I’m a pragmatist so if something is useful, even if I can’t explain it or prove it, I’ll use it. Before anything else, I do believe […]
Now let’s build upon what we’ve learned about Radical Understanding. We’ve spoken about reading invisible channels, setting aside our perceptual filters to get real information, paying close attention, and even to eliciting the other person’s strategies and identifying the relevant parts of the other person’s Map of the World. Remember what we said about Map […]