Because I value a wide array of perspectives, I not only don’t shy away from people who think very differently from me, I have pursued it. Worse…I conduct social experiments frequently. This means that, while in most cases I’d be called a Centrist, I’d maintained connections with some varied folks. I can say with confidence that if many of my friends met many of the others, they would fight. Factions would assail me over my poor judgment at embracing the opposing “faction.”

And because of my “social experiments,” I sometimes engage people in an arguably disingenuous way, when they’ve announced an extreme view. Rather than try to draw them into the center or just exchange opinions, I’ll seek to comprehend how they construct that view.

Again, because I value those differences, it never threatened me, but I’ve learned that a lot of people aren’t as openminded or curious. Then again, what if they’re on to something? I ask because I’ve found it quite difficult to maintain such diversity without creating issues.

The world overall has always been to some degree polarized, and until cheap mass communication because possible, many opposing “factions” didn’t directly interact. Even with television, where most of us could glimpse into the wildly divergent opinions and behaviors of “those other people over there,” it was a one-sided glimpse and we could easily judge and dismiss the opposition to our own views very quickly and without consequence.

Then came simple online message boards, followed by the Internet as we know it today. Though people who frequented such media generally segregated themselves according to a shared philosophy or worldview. Now instead of merely watching the opposition, we entered a echo chamber where our own biases were confirmed. My own experience suggested that this sharpened extremism and intolerance. The research since has supported it.

But then with social media we not only observed, interacted with like-minded people, but could confront (and be confronted by) opposing views. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s picked a argument with someone out there and argued a point with which I disagreed. We may not have expected it would turn into an argument as we may genuinely have believed that everyone, like us, is capable of dialogue when we disagree on major points. Not all of us set out to learn from such discussions, so at times this may deteriorate into a simple argument. And that’s just about topics, opinions, attitudes. Politics, religion, socioeconomic class concerns, and other such universal issues are frequent culprits here. Though again, so far we’ve only addressed the impact of divergent opinions. And that can be bad enough!

In a heterogeneous world, maintaining friendships across political, spiritual, and class lines can be challenging. As our social and political environments become more divided, we may find ourselves at odds with friends whose beliefs and values no longer align with our own. As mentioned, I’ve often valued maintaining friendships despite differences. Though there are compelling arguments for letting go of such friendships, and how they can benefit our personal growth, mental health, and overall well-being.

1. Preserving Mental and Emotional Health

One of the primary reasons to consider letting go of friendships over political and class differences is the preservation of your mental and emotional health. When fundamental disagreements create tension in a friendship, the relationship can become a source of stress rather than support. Constantly engaging in debates or suppressing your own beliefs to avoid conflict can lead to anxiety, frustration, and emotional exhaustion.

• Stress from Conflict: Regularly engaging in arguments or even feeling the need to avoid certain topics can create an undercurrent of tension. This stress can be harmful, leading to anxiety or even depression.
• Emotional Drain: Friendship should be a source of joy and comfort. Our friends are there to support us and encouarge us when we need it. What then when we experience sharp division over deeply-held views, values even? When differing worldviews create friction, the emotional toll can outweigh the benefits of maintaining the relationship.

In some cases, the healthiest option is to step away from the friendship, allowing both parties to find relationships that better align with their values and perspectives.

2. Aligning Values and Priorities

As individuals grow and evolve, their values, beliefs, and priorities often change. Friendships that once thrived on shared experiences and common ground may falter if those foundations shift. Holding on to relationships that no longer align with your core values can prevent you from fully embracing your personal growth.

• Personal Integrity: Letting go of friendships that conflict with your deeply held values can be an act of self-respect and integrity. It allows you to stay true to yourself and your beliefs without compromising or feeling pressured to conform to someone else’s worldview.
• Focus on Growth: Surrounding yourself with people who share your values and goals can foster a more supportive environment for personal growth. It can be empowering to build a network of friends who encourage and challenge you in ways that align with your evolving priorities.

In this light, releasing friendships that no longer serve your growth can be seen as an investment in your future and your happiness.

3. Avoiding Toxic Relationships

Not all friendships are healthy, and in some cases, political and class differences can highlight underlying toxic dynamics. Symptoms revealing a truly damaging underlying infirmity. When a friend consistently disrespects your views, belittles your experiences, or refuses to acknowledge your perspective, the relationship can become toxic.

• Boundary Violations: A healthy friendship requires mutual respect. If political or class differences lead to frequent boundary violations, such as dismissive behavior or disrespectful comments, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
• Emotional Abuse: In more severe cases, friendships can become emotionally abusive, with one person using differences in opinion or class as a means of control or manipulation. Identifying and ending such toxic relationships is crucial for your well-being.

Recognizing when a friendship has become toxic, regardless of the underlying reasons, is an important step in protecting your emotional health and self-worth.

4. Making Space for Positive Relationships

Letting go of friendships that no longer align with your values can open up space in your life for more fulfilling and supportive relationships. It’s important to remember that friendships should be a source of mutual respect, joy, and growth. When a friendship is based on a foundation of shared values and mutual understanding, it can be a powerful source of support and encouragement.

• Quality Over Quantity: It’s not the number of friends that matters, but the quality of those relationships. By letting go of friendships that drain you, you make room for relationships that uplift and inspire you.
• Attracting Like-Minded Individuals: Once you’ve created space in your life, you’re more likely to attract friends who share your values and can provide the kind of support and camaraderie you need.

By consciously choosing to surround yourself with people who reflect your beliefs and values, you can cultivate a more positive and nurturing social environment.

5. Encouraging Healthy Discourse

While it’s important to consider the benefits of letting go of certain friendships, it’s equally important to recognize the value of maintaining relationships with those who hold different perspectives—if those relationships are rooted in respect and healthy discourse. However, when differences become a source of constant conflict, it can undermine the potential for constructive dialogue.

• Constructive vs. Destructive Dialogue: Healthy debate can be enriching, offering opportunities to learn and grow. However, when disagreements are consistently destructive rather than constructive, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
• Knowing When to Let Go: Understanding when a friendship has become more harmful than helpful is key. If political and class differences lead to more harm than good, letting go may be the best course of action.

By prioritizing relationships that foster healthy discourse and mutual respect, you can create a more balanced and supportive social circle.

And That’s Just Opinions About Topics

As mentioned, all this is valid when we’re speaking about opinions which have little to do with our own values about ourselves. But what about opinions that devalue the other person? What about when such an opinion is leveled at us?

What if one of your friends offered a deeply held opinion that “Immigrants are poisoning our nation”? What if you yourself are an immigrant, or you feel strongly that immigrants are the lifeblood of our nation? What if you felt a personal stake in which of those two views was true? Meaning your personal values, even your core identity, felt threatened by the other person’s view. Because of my preference to maintain a very heterogeneous body of friendships, I suspect I’ve encountered this more than someone who instead only associates with people of the same race, socioeconomic class, religious beliefs, political affiliations, and so forth.

I found that some of my friends, right-wing extremists, liked me mostly because I was white, male, and as a professional, make a good living. I know plenty of people with some or all those qualities with whom I would not choose to associate. My personal belief is that criteria was far too vague to be useful, but that’s their view. As i would speak from my genuinely Centrist perspective, I quickly learned how even my whiteness or maleness, even my professional success, couldn’t redeem me in their eyes! By virtue of their being extremist, anyone not adhering to their extremist views was immediately demonized and rejected. Because my own values are mine, I was fine with that. I’ll still be me, even though I’m continually learning and evolving.

Then I had the same experience with some left-wing friends. They didn’t like that I wasn’t extreme like them and insisted upon what I consider to be “common sense” values. They truly believed that I should live with a deep-seated sense of guilt over my ethnicity, my gender, and my professional standing.

Never mind that sabotaging our effectiveness in the world eliminates our contributions. Though I have a more serious challenge with asking anyone–regardless of circumstance–to feel bad about something they were born with, something they cannot control. That to me is deeply pathological and I’d never encourage it.

They were as displeased as the right-wingers, and just as with that other group, since my attitudes and the values beneath them, are my own, I was good with that, too.

It is a bit disappointing if we expect too much from others, which you could argue I had been. Though each of us has the right to be ourselves, to hold any opinion we like, and to live according to our own values.

Conclusion

Letting go of friendships over political and class differences is a deeply personal decision, but one that can ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and emotionally healthy life. By preserving your mental health, aligning your friendships with your values, avoiding toxic relationships, and making space for positive connections, you can create a social environment that supports your growth and well-being. While it can be difficult to say goodbye, it’s important to remember that not all relationships are meant to last forever, and that’s okay. Embracing change and prioritizing your own needs can lead to stronger, healthier, and more supportive friendships in the long run.

Copyright © 2024 Chris Gingolph