One of the challenges posed to me involves what I call the Decision Review. I not only believe in this, I’ve seen it in every relationship where I’ve exerted influence. When we persuade, we are using reason (we hope), emotion (always), and perhaps skill and technique. I’ve experienced first-hand how those we persuade, regardless of what tools we employed, will always review what they decided. When they are pleased with the outcome, there’s nothing to fear because even if they do realize you persuaded them, they will credit you for having done so. Or at least felt that you helped them along, making the decision they’d already planned to.
It’s when they are unhappy with the outcome that they will look for some explanation. Read: someone to blame. If they are clear that you persuaded them to make this bad decision, it doesn’t bode well for the relationship. MindLeading™: How to Win2 ™, Influence, & Get Your Way – Use Hypnosis & NLP to Create Mind-warping Persuasion (Sublinfluence™ – Creating Win-wins to get your way! Book 1) covers this in more detail, but it’s an important enough concept to cover here as well.
The point is that when we seek genuine win-win outcomes, ensuring that we and the other person benefit, there is no reason for regret. The best part is that when both are pleased by the outcome, there is every reason to do more together. If it was a business transaction, you have every reason to do another deal together. If it was a personal relationship, you’ve similarly strengthened it, and you have every reason to trust one another and do more together in the future.
I was asked recently whether it was wise that I “gave away all the secrets” to someone who would then know what I “was up to.” I found that strange as I am not “up to” anything. Anytime I do business with anyone or persuade them in a personal setting, I follow the win-win concept like a religious tenet. Meaning if someone was about to enter a business transaction with me, I would encourage them to first read my books or attend a workshop. They would know what techniques I’d use to gain “Radical Understanding,” to truly “get” them. Though they’d also know my persuasion methods and my “closes,” to borrow a Sales term. Why wouldn’t that bother me?
Because I’m not pursuing a one-sided “win.” I don’t want to do anything that won’t benefit all of us. I know that Decision Review is real and if someone was “up to something,” we’d figure that out, at least in hindsight. And a relationshp would have been damaged in the process.
Winning a new customer is challenging, though keeping one happy–provided we treat them well and deliver what we promise–is not as much so. But think of it for a moment–if you were “up to something” and “pulled something” on them, how likely would they remain your customer? I have returning customers ask me for guidance or insight in areas I don’t even serve anymore. Why do they ask, then? I’ve been told many times that they value my suggestions and that if I don’t have the ideal answer, I can network with them, introducing them to someone who does have the right answer for them. This is extraordinarily valuable in business as in personal relationships. And if we don’t commit to delivering a win-win, we would miss out on that massive benefit.
I once had a prospective customer read MindLeading™ and he didn’t tell me at first. Though I noticed that he nodded in recognition in odd places in the conversation. I finally asked him what that was. “When we made this appointment, I’d heard that you teach Persuasion and Influence. I was suspicious that you were one of those mind-technology gurus, you know, ‘AI for the Human Mind?’ I saw you’d written a book about it so I got your MindLeading book. I figured I’d be forearmed so if you pulled any funny stuff, I’d spot it.”
“So you spotted said ‘funny stuff’?”
“Yeah…” he appeared pained, rubbing his jaw.
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, I saw lots of those techniques you talked about in the book, but—you didn’t seem to be trying to make me do anything.”
“I’m glad you noticed. If you read the book, you noticed that ‘Win2 ™’ stands for ‘win-win’, and what we’ve been doing to this point was you explaining your problem. Do you remember what I call that in the book, what I was doing as you spoke and I asked questions, making sure I understood?”
“Yeah, you called that ‘Radical Understanding.’ So you used your techniques to…understand me better…ohhh…”
“Right, and on that win-win point, which to me is really important, when you choose to do business with me, it will only be because I’ve taken the time to truly understand your problem and I’m positive I can help you solve it. If I don’t have both, I’ve got no business trying to do business with you–wouldn’t I?”
He agreed. “But once you find that win-win solution, you’re going to use your other techniques to sell it to me, right?”
“IF it’s truly a win-win, yes. What if it’s outside your budget?”
“No, no, I have a budget for this–no problem, there.”
“Okay, well, what if this isn’t the best time to be buying something like this?”
“No, Chris, this is the perfect time! I mean, you get my problem–it’s a big deal to me! So now is the perfect time to get on with it, to solve the damned thing!”
“Fine, fine, I mean no offense, just want to cover all our bases, here. I need to know it truly is in your best interest–that it’s truly going to be a win-win for us both!”
“Chris, have you been listening! For someone who wants Radical Understanding, you missed that I need this thing solved! It’s costing my money, friends, my relationship with my wife, everything is connected to this damn thing! It’s going to be a win for me when you help me solve it! And since I’m going to pay you for it, you’ll win, too! Are you satisfied? Sheesh!”
He needed to use no further technique or persuasion to convince me. And I proposed the solution which he then purchased.
When he did his Decision Review, he’s going to first recognize that he was right–he needed the solution, and badly. So he was delighted when I provided it. No regrets or buyer’s remorse, there! That’s the power of a win-win. And if you don’t lock that in really well, the Decision Review is where the other person would figure out that you did indeed “pull a fast one,” and good luck getting another opportunity with them.
Apply this immediately–look for, in every opportunity, where both parties will benefit and maintain your focus on that mutual benefit.
Then they won’t have to talk you into doing it. You’ll both already agree, won’t you?
Copyright © 2023 Chris Gingolph