I’ve worked extensively on what I called The Strategies of Intimacy, a project that modeled successful relationships to determine what makes them work when they do, and what makes them fail when they don’t. In the course of that research, I often would politely interrupt a couple who seemed to be getting along well and […]
Nearly all the articles on this site are self-contained and can be taken individually. However this time of pandemic, of Coronavirus and Covid-19, have shaped our world very dramatically. We have seen a whole new set of challenges (and possible opportunities) present themselves, and this article serves as a segue into possible solutions. This […]
Intimate relationships can be very difficult to maintain. We Americans know this, as we boast nearly a 50% divorce rate. I’m not above it, as I myself have been divorced. If I can be forgiven a moment of faulty logic, this means that my second marriage will be successful – my first marriage would represent […]
I previously explored the concept of Assuming Intention, a technique that more often than not does not turn out to be accurate. It’s difficult to know someone so precisely that we know without fail what they are thinking, and what their actions meant. This is a form of what Milton H. Erickson called “mind reading”, and generally […]
One of the most insidious of creatures haunting the castle that is your relationships is that of Assuming Intention. This is a more specific example of what the great hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson referred to as “mind reading”. The gist is this, and don’t feel bad as you notice examples of your doing this, perhaps […]
Some of us will see that title and think we’re talking about a new agey concept that potentially could threaten existing common beliefs about spirituality, religion, and so forth. Not so much. We’re going to explore something that you need, and you probably already have in some form. Something very practical and we would say […]
I lost both of my parents in the past few years, and between those two experiences, I’ve gained a few surprising, and subtle, aspects of healing under such circumstances. In 2017, my wife and I said goodbye to her father. As my dad has been deceased for over a decade, Pat had become a surrogate […]
At a workshop recently, as usually happens, I was asked a great question – “Is conflict always bad?” First off, no, conflict itself is not bad in and of itself. Disagreement between two parties can elicit potentially useful distinctions and strengths. So if it’s not negative, why do relationship counselors so often struggle with, and […]
A colleague of mine recently forwarded a very thought-provoking article; its stated aim was to increase the intimacy in a relationship. Naturally, I embrace such a goal, though having read it, I remain pretty skeptical as to whether its approach could accomplish anything of the sort. The notion was that a period of abstinence will allow a couple to […]
Humans are a good many things by nature, and a good many more not so. For example, most of us would agree that “survival of the fittest” seems to hold true. Even those among us who don’t believe in Evolution per se likely agree that the creature best adapted to survival in an environment is more apt […]