Calibration in Human Behavior is one of those not-so-secret, though often-overlooked skills. Simply, calibration is noticing the differences in people, between moments–observable shifts in their objectively noticeable, outward behaviors. That includes changes in skin tone or coloration, posture, movement, though it can also be more subtle. I’ve shared a story before about noticing pupil dilation […]
The end of an intimate relationship, as with the end of a friendship, is no cause for celebration. Though a truly toxic relationship must end. If you’ve exhausted all options for correcting the behaviors and healing the wounds, ending the relationship may be the only sensible thing. Then hopefully each of us can go on, […]
For this exploration of complex relationships, we’re going to break it into steps. This first one deals with creating Rules or agreements that you each will follow and respect. You may already know why this is important. If not, stick with me. Relationships take work. Surprise! Before you explore the pictures that just invited your […]
The decision to publish “How to NOT Kill Each Other During Lockdown” this past year had everything to do with the unusually challenging events of the Covid-19 pandemic. Though I was very proud of the research and analysis, and found the discussions with many of the subjects (many simply filled out the form and requested […]
Humans are a good many things by nature, and a good many more not so. For example, most of us would agree that “survival of the fittest” seems to hold true. Even those among us who don’t believe in Evolution per se likely agree that the creature best adapted to survival in an environment is more apt […]
What follows is an excerpt from How to NOT Kill Each Other During Lockdown, which comes out tomorrow. I’ve gotten feedback showing that in addition to offering a life-changing strategy for those of us enjoying an intimate relationship (as well as for those wanting one!) I should place a “Quick Start” feature at the front, […]
I’ve worked extensively on what I called The Strategies of Intimacy, a project that modeled successful relationships to determine what makes them work when they do, and what makes them fail when they don’t. In the course of that research, I often would politely interrupt a couple who seemed to be getting along well and […]
Nearly all the articles on this site are self-contained and can be taken individually. However this time of pandemic, of Coronavirus and Covid-19, have shaped our world very dramatically. We have seen a whole new set of challenges (and possible opportunities) present themselves, and this article serves as a segue into possible solutions. This arose […]
Intimate relationships can be very difficult to maintain. We Americans know this, as we boast nearly a 50% divorce rate. I’m not above it, as I myself have been divorced. If I can be forgiven a moment of faulty logic, this means that my second marriage will be successful – my first marriage would represent […]
I previously explored the concept of Assuming Intention, a technique that more often than not does not turn out to be accurate. It’s difficult to know someone so precisely that we know without fail what they are thinking, and what their actions meant. This is a form of what Milton H. Erickson called “mind reading”, and generally […]